


How Could I Have Forgotten You?

by emilyisfictional



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (it’s not fine), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Amnesia, Chameleon Arch, Character Death, F/M, False Memories, Fluff, On the Run, SAD!!!!!, Sonata Lake, The Shadow Proclamation, Weeping Angels - Freeform, but it’s fine, crime!, more like erased from existence, not actual death, wife - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 18:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyisfictional/pseuds/emilyisfictional
Summary: “The quickest way to find out anyone’s plan is to get yourself captured.”“Well, that is just ridiculous. Who taught you that?”She chuckled softly and the Doctor knew what was coming.“Spoilers”. . .





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey, hey!  
This is my first Doctor Who fanfic and my first fanfic on AO3!  
I don’t usually write 3rd person but something about this story made me want to try! I hope you enjoy!

“The quickest way to find out anyone’s plan is to get yourself captured.”

“Well, that is just ridiculous. Who taught you that?”

She chuckled softly and the Doctor knew what was coming.

“Spoilers”. . .  
-  
“Run.”

“What was that?”

“RUN! Now! Back to the TARDIS!”

-  
“Please my love-”

“No, River. I am not leaving you behind. Not now, not ever”

“There’s no other way.”

“There’s always another way!”

-  
“This will keep you safe. I promise I’ll come find you. And I promise you won’t be alone. ” The Doctor shifted his hands as he was going to use them to bring down the headset but decided not to, instead took his last few moments to memorize River’s features. “It’ll be a month before the TARDIS allows me to cross your timeline while you’re hiding.” The Doctor punched in some coordinates with the hand that wasn’t occupied. “Will you be able to handle London?” he asked. 

“I’m not sure London will be able to handle me.”

The Doctor chuckled. “That’s the spirit.” 

A silence fell between the two and his sad smile returned. She caressed his cheek, and the Doctor placed his hand over hers, pushing it into his skin as if trying to memorize her handprint. As if he never wanted her to let go. She choked up a little, her voice barely above a whisper. “Will I really be unable to remember you?”

The Doctor felt downright morose, looking at his wife’s dismal face. He wished there was any other way but he didn’t particularly fond of the giving-River-up-to-the-shadow-proclamation-to-serve-out-not-only-her-crimes-against-the-Doctor-but-her-crimes-against-the-galaxy idea (he didn’t really care if she had technically committed crimes against him anymore. She was his wife, she’d done worse things than kill him. Like the time he went to go sulk with the otters when. . . ) But the Shadow Proclamation was smart. Not smart enough, the Doctor thought privately to himself. Then remembering River had asked a question he said, “well, a few memories might seep through, but you’ll probably think they were dreams.” The Doctor’s flirting smile returned as he took his wife’s hand in both of his and said, “And wild dreams those shall be.”

River exhaled sharply, “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” 

She didn’t. She really didn’t

The Doctor kissed his wife’s palm, and then her lips. Then, solemnly, lowered the headset and set the Chameleon Arch into motion.

“Now this is going to hurt River, it’s rewriting your entire biology. So you’re going to have to try to sit still.”

She gripped his hand tightly. “Oh Sweetie, you know I like it r-” but her words were suddenly replaced with a scream. Her face contorted as she tried her best not to flail at the pain. The Doctor cringed away, unable to look at his wife in such a state.

But he didn’t let go of her hand. 

Not until it went limp and the screaming died down.


	2. After

“Ms. Lake. What are you going to do with you?”

“Well officer, I expect you’re just going to have to punish me.”

“Very funny, Ms. Lake.”

“Mmhm, I wasn’t kidding,” she flirted. Everyone in the office knew how Ms. Lake could charm so they sent Officer Miffer, a no-nonsense beat cop to deal with her this time.

“Mark my words, I’ll get you one of these days. You won’t be able to flirt your way out handcuffs and a women’s correctional facility,” the Officer warned.

“And you are so wrong,” she hummed. “And I sincerely cannot wait to try but until then I have to get to work.”

“Would you like someone to drive you?”

Sonata Lake almost laughed, “Absolutely not.”

-

“Sonny,” Ramone reasoned. “You can’t keep doing this, I’m not gonna pick you up next time.”

“What? They couldn’t pin it to me.” Sonata pouted while pulling something blue and sparkly out of her bra, “though they tried.”

“Woman you’ll be the death of me,” Ramone groaned. “To the café then?”

“No, we need to make a stop first.”

-

The two walked out of the jewellery shop $5000 richer. The sapphire that Sonny insisted she ‘found’ had paid her rent for the next five months or so.”

“I still don’t know how you get away with that.”

“You say that like I’m a criminal.” 

“You are a criminal.”

“I like to think I’m something sexier than that.” Sonny ventured. “Like a vigilante. Oh! Or Robin Hood.”

“Robin Hood isn’t sexy,” Ramone retorted

Sonny raised her eyebrows, “maybe for you he isn’t”

“Robin Hood isn’t even real.”

“How do you know? Have you ever met him?”

“Have you?”

Sonny didn’t reply, she only got in the driver’s side and closed the door. Ramone paused and knocked on the window. Sonny rolled it down.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t honk.”

“Yes. And you do. Excessively. Get out. I’m driving.”

Sonny sighed but crawled over the seat.

“Never thought I’d say this, but can we please go to work now?”

Sonny sighed, “I suppose.” 

-

“Right, could you repeat that?”

“She’s kidding.”

Sonny looked down at the Iced, Half Caff, Ristretto, Venti, 4-Pump, Sugar-Free, Cinnamon, Dolce Soy Skinny Latte, and just hoped she’s gotten it down right. 

Jenny looked at the cup and then crossed something off replacing it with another scribble and handed Sonny the cup back. Once Sonny had noted her mistakes she exhaled and said, “oh Jenny Flint, I could bloody kiss you.”

“Yeah? Well, don’t tell Vastra.” Ah yes, the mysterious Vastra, whom Sonny, Jenny’s best friend, had never met, let alone seen and who, quite frankly, probably didn’t exist. 

But she supposed it was fine to have imaginary friends to have imaginary relationships with.

All the same, it was unfair Jenny was tied down, especially if it was to an imaginary girl. 

After Sonny handed the woman her monstrosity and she had left the store Sonny had muttered “blondes,” under her breath.

“I hate to break it to you, but you are also blonde.”

“Is she?” Ramone asked as he meandered over, now equipped with his baking apron, to the sink to wash his hands. “Hadn’t noticed.” 

“Well that’s why I’m allowed to say it,” Sonny explained.

Ramone and Jenny shared a look before Ramone turning back into the kitchen to bake some more pumpkin muffins.

“Right then,” and Sonny turned to her next customer.

“When does your shift end?” Jenny asked after grabbing the cup to make the next drink.

“I’m here ‘til closing.”

“Good so am I. I think we need to talk.”

-

Once Sonny closed up the shop and sat where Jenny had two mugs she knew that she was in trouble.

For one, Jenny never made her drinks.

Ramone had already left so there would be no interruptions and no rescue.

“So Ramone told me he picked you up this morning from the police station, again.” Sonny sighed, rolling her eyes but Jenny continued before she could interrupt. “This is the third time this month Sonny. Why do you insist on spending the night with policemen? Sonny grinned and then it was Jenny’s turn to roll her eyes. “You know what I meant.”

“You know me, love a man in a uniform.”

“Sonny, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Maybe I need a psychiatrist or a Doctor.” Sonny froze. As soon as she said it the word felt weird on her tongue, it shouldn’t have, it’s not like she had never said the word before.

Right?

Jenny studied her face, “are you alright?”

“That’s his name.”

“Sonny, you’re not making any sense.”

“Doctor.”

Jenny looked at her friend and took her hand, “are you talking about your dream boy again.”

Sonny shook her head, her curls bouncing in the dim light. “Of course not, he’s not even real.”

But at least now she knew his name.

_ Doctor, _ she thought to herself, _ who are you? _

“Right, and you’ve got a _ real _ man knocking at your door.”

“Right,” Sonny laughed. “And who exactly have I got?”

“Like you haven’t noticed, Ramone is absolutely smitten with you.”

“Ramone?” Sonny laughed. “Jenny, please. I mean sure, he’s got a pretty face but that’s all it is, besides he’s too young for me.”

“And what of your drawings?”

“What drawings?”

“The drawings of your dreams, they are of a young man.”

“No they aren’t,” Sonny replied softly.

Jenny didn’t press. That’s what Sonny loved about her, she knew when to stop.

Besides, the drawings were private.

On a good day Sonny couldn’t draw more than a stick figure but when it came to her dreams, her _ Doctor _, she suddenly could. She drew places and people she had never seen before, she drew the wildest of creatures and the most preposterous things.

But she never drew his face.

Well, that wasn’t technically true.

She had once tried to draw his side profile, but she didn’t actually know how. It’s not like he never looked at her in the dreams, sometimes it felt like that’s all he did, look. But by the morning she was unable to retain the memory. She knew his face was all angles, that’s how she had been able to draw the side profile, but it was off. Like she was missing something (the rest of the face, yes, but also something more). As if she was trying to recall the face of a stranger off the street that she only got a snapshot glimpse of.

But the Doctor was no stranger.

She just didn’t know who he was. 


	3. A Stranger Off the Street

“Good God, don’t these people have better things to do than to memorize complicated orders until I short-circuit,” Sonny complained early the next morning while filling out a mobile order.

“Oi, just remember this is the only place that would hire you. And I’m pretty sure it was out of pity,” Ramone reminded her. Sonny turned to her two friends and raised an eyebrow, “I’m sure that’s not the only reason.”

Jenny’s Dad owned the café, and Jenny and Sonny had been friends for ages. When he heard she got out of jail a month previous and discovered she was looking for a job he automatically offered her a job with Jenny.

Also Sonny found out he was cheating on his girlfriend and she blackmailed him.

“Shut up,” Jenny muttered but was clearly quite embarrassed.

Sonny chuckled, “Well I can and will still complain about it. That doesn’t mean I’m not grateful.”

She turned back to her new customer and was taken aback for a moment.

A stranger off the street. . . 

He was eccentric in a way that made you look twice. Not necessarily handsome (though he was, Sonny supposed, incredibly so), but there was a crazed madness behind his tired eyes that rattled her to her core. Even though his clothes looked normal enough (although upon inspection this was not the truth and they were clearly not-normal: a corduroy suit in a deep plum, a pocket watch in his left breast pocket and a bowtie), he had the air of someone who didn’t belong in a coffee shop in Trafalgar Square. Someone who belonged somewhere greater. To something greater.

Sonny shook her head, she was clearly sleep deprived and overthinking things.

“What can I get for you?” she asked

The man’s eyes blazed as if a thousand armies had been dispatched solely to answer the question. “Coffee,” he decided as if the question troubled him.

Actually he said it as if Sonny troubled him, but she didn’t want to think too hard about the implications of that.

“You sure,” she tried to joke.

“Yes, quite sure,” the man answered too quickly to be natural, he scratched his chin nervously.

Sonny gave him a smile that was anything but innocent.

“Size?”

“Eh, medium.”

“Mmm, that’s not what I was asking.” His eyes widened at that and his lip quirked, but before he could reply Sonny added, “and can I get a name for the order. 

“John,” the man said calmer. “John Smith.”

She raised her eyebrow at him, “that’s a fake name isn’t it?”

The man looked offended. “No, it’s not. It’s a cool name.” He straightened his bowtie as he watched Sonny pick out a mug from the array of shapes and sizes on the shelf. 

She turned to hand the mug to Jenny, it was her favourite mug and though John Smith wouldn’t know that, Ramone and Jenny would. But before she could even turn a muscle- 

“Wait.” The man leaned in closer and beckoned Sonny to do the same.

Well, she wasn’t going to say  _ no _ .

“It’s still not safe,” his warm breath tickled her ear and she barely registered what he was saying. 

“Sorry?” she asked, a little bit more than a little breathless.

“You know the thing,” he winked. Sonny’s heart fluttered. John Smith was obviously mad but in an endearing sort of way. He had the same way of speaking as one of the homeless people that would walk in off the streets, high off of their vice. Except John Smith was much better looking.

_ Much _ better looking.

Jenny tapped Sonny on the shoulder making her jump. She whispered something to Sonny and she took the mug.

“What did she ask you?” the man inquired. “ _ River _ it’s imperative that you,” he paused at Sonny, and his face scrunched up as if he had made a mistake.

“What did you call me?” Sonny asked.

That word. That name.  _ River _ . It sounded so familiar and yet felt so far away.

“What did she ask you?”

“If you wanted whip cream with that?” 

“Oh, um yes please.”

“Why did you call me River.”

John Smith tried (and failed) to wave it off. “No reason.” He gave her another one of his piercing looks. “God, no I just forgot. You reminded me of someone, that’s all.”

“Your hot girlfriend?”

“My wife.”

“Hmm, pity.” 

John Smith pursed his lips as if he was scared to say more. She was right in front of him and it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. He silently waited for his coffee and (with the mug) disappeared into the London rain without as much as a goodbye.

Not that Sonny was expecting him to say goodbye.  _ I doubt I’ll even see him again. _

_ And that was my favourite mug. _

-

Much to Sonny’s confusion he was back the next day, mug in tow.

“Sorry, I, ehh I don’t usually order coffee.”

Sonny took the mug back with a snort.

She filled out his order, on a to-go cup.

“And what’s your name?” she asked, hoping to catch him in a lie.  _ He can’t be called John Smith  _ she thought to herself.  _ Nobody is called John Smith. _

“Basil,” he said

“Is it really?”

“No.”

“What is it really?”

“John Smith.”

“Then why’d you say Basil?”

“I was told it was better than John Smith.”

“Did your wife tell you that?”

“No, she’s not around anymore.”

“Did she die?” The man, John Smith, Basil, Sonny was unsure,’s eyes glossed over and he didn’t say anything. Sonny quickly shook her head, “sorry that was insensitive.”

_ Why do I talk _ ? Sonny thought to herself.

He left without his coffee so Sonny drank it. 

Begrudgingly


	4. Cryptic Updates

Over the next few days, John Smith (/Basil/Cesear/Bob/Elias but Sonny had decided to just call him John) visited the café and Sonny tried her best to be absolutely normal. He would order his coffee and leave, but not without giving Sonny some mad cryptic update. 

“The angels have joined them.”

Sonny shook her head. “I’m sorry, what?”

“The proclamation employed the angels to join the hunt.” He said it as though she’d understand.

She didn’t.

But she’d do anything to keep staring at him a little bit longer, even listen to his unintelligible rants. 

“John Smith, the things you say.”

“You should be very careful.”

“Why?” Sonny laughed. Then when she noted John’s serious face she stopped. “No I’m serious, please enlighten me, I don’t understand.”

“You will,” he promised. “And you will be very very scared.”

“Alright, sweetie.” She paused and looked away.  _ Sweetie _ ? She didn’t call people  _ Sweetie _ , let alone strangers she’d barely met. But something about him was so familiar, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Hell, if he asked for her social security number she’d probably write it down for him on his cup (with a little heart and her name, dotting the i)

(Wait she didn’t have an i in her name). . .

“Sorry I don’t know where that came from.” She looked back up at John who’s eyes watered. His eyes were already large, but they seemed to be magnetized by the pools of hazel and green. “Are you okay?” Sonny asked, but John Smith just took his coffee and left.

-

John Smith didn’t return the next day.

-

Or the next.

-

Or the next.

-

And Sonny had resigned herself to be a massive screwup and that she wouldn’t see him again.

-

It was okay, she supposed. He had a wife after all.

-

But he didn’t. He had gotten so emotional whenever she accidentally brought him up. When she brought her up like an arse.

And now she would never see him again.

-

Until she did. 

And God if he didn’t know how to make an entrance.


	5. Police Public Call Box

Ramone and Jenny had noticed Sonny’s deteriorating mental state and had started to give her easier jobs for a while. (Sonny was more than capable of foxing the stove which had broken down the day before, but Jenny insisted on calling someone in to take care of it so as to not put any more stress on Sonny’s shoulder). It had been a week since Sonny had last seen John Smith and she was about to take out the trash.

“Sonny, wait.” Ramone grabbed her arm before she could open the backdoor. He released it as soon as she turned to her.

“What is it? As you can see I have a vital job to do,” she joked indicating the trash.

“Yes, of course. Though. Rather, you see I was wondering if-”

“If?”

“If well, you maybe wanted to grab dinner with me next Tuesday night?”

“Like-”

“Yes, like a date!” He didn’t even give Sonny a chance to say no before, “I’ll pick you up at eight! Your shift ends at four on Tuesdays, right? Is that enough time?”

“Yes, it is, but-”

“Awesome I’ll see you then.” Ramone’s shift was over so he winked at Sonny grabbed a bagel and exited through the front door, casting one last glance towards the gobsmacked woman before heading into the busy center. 

She didn’t want to go on a date with Ramone. Like she had told Jenny, Ramone was nice to look at but he had the most boring conversations.

Not like John.

John said the wildest things and even though their conversations barely lasted a minute, between his order and him leaving to God knows where, Sonny felt as if it was the most scintillating conversation she had ever had with someone. It was the way he manipulated his words to the point of psychopathic frenzy, making sure every word had the correct emphasis. As if there was something he was dying to say and didn’t want to give it away.

And now Sonny would never know. 

She pressed her back against the door to open it and take the trash out. Once she entered the back alleyway she dropped the bags in shock.

There was a figure, leaning against the wall of the café bleeding out.

Every instinct told her to run, what if the assailant was still around?

But another part of her, a deeper instinct, told her she could take someone had she the need.

She had survived jail after all.

She approached the man cautiously. He was breathing raggedly and his hair obstructed his face, but upon closer inspection Sonny would have recognized him anywhere.

“John?” she quickly raced towards him. His eyes were half-lidded and he could barely talk. “Jesus Christ John, what happened?” He was bleeding from his shoulder. Sonny didn’t know what to do, her hands seemed to move on their own, she carefully unbuttoned his shirt to get a look at the wound.

“You know, if you wanted to see me shirtless you could’ve just asked.”

“Hush.” Sonny shook her head, he was a fool, he was a damned fool. “Save your breath. Who did this to you?”

“You wouldn't believe me.”

“Try me.”

“A rhinoceros.”

“Try again.”

“A shadow.”

“I’ll call an ambulance.”

“NO!” John sat up suddenly and his eyes bulged at the pain. Sonny held him and softly laid him back down against the wall.

“John you’re bleeding. You’ve obviously been hurt and you need a Doctor.”

“I am a Doctor.”

Sonny rolled her eyes, “No you’re not you’re,” Sonny paused and realised maybe she didn't know her John as much as she thought she did.

When did she start calling him, hers?

“I’ll be fine just,” John seized up. “OH MY HEARTS ARE GOING!”

“John what do you want me to do?” Sonny pleaded

“How do you deal with one heart? It’s so slow! Like a laggy computer!”

“John,” Sonny repeated more frantically.

“Once I get to the TARDIS I can restart it.”

“John, speak English. What’s a TARDIS.”

John snapped weakly and then the strangest thing happened. 

A door opened. Not a door connected to any building, no. A door that opened from nothing, just down the alley a bit.

“There’s, a door?” Sonny asked. 

“Is there?” John asked sarcastically. “Hadn’t noticed, now help me in.”

“There’s a door , and it’s not attached to anything.”

“It’s not attached to anything,” John muttered. “Of course it’s attached to something. Everything’s attached to something.” John Smith snapped his fingers again and as it turns out he was right. A blue box that read  _ Police Public Call Box  _ had appeared and the doors that seemed to have come out of nowhere belonged to it.

Sonny blinked a few times. “But, that wasn’t there a moment ago.”

“Right,” John said. “Yes. Dying.”

“Oh right!” Sonny helped John to his feet, hoisting his right arm around her shoulder so as to not disturb the left side. He was heavy and staggering, erratic even in dying.

He wasn’t dying though, Sonny banished the thought.

“Might be a bit snug,” she declared, as if she was thoroughly unfazed, and flirting a little.

John Smith opened the door wider and pulled himself from Sonny’s grasp, stumbling in. “Oh I think we’ll manage.”

Sonny followed him, and watched him saunter up to the console.

The console.

“It’s,” her breath caught in her throat. She didn’t see the curious glance John Smith gave her or his widening smile. She quickly ran outside and then back in. “It’s.”

“Yeah?” Sonny turned back to John who was watching her from around the cylindrical thing in the middle of the console.

“It’s a spaceship?”

He slammed something on the console and pulled a lever excitedly. “And there you have it folks! Ah, hah.. .” John suddenly collapsed.

Sonny ran over to him.

“John, John. Tell me what to do.”

“The red switches over there. NO not that one the, the next one. “

Sonny’s hand hovered over the switch but she hesitated. “No, no I don’t think that’s right.”

“What do you mean it’s not right it my Tardahh- ahh.”

Sonny studied the console board. The lights flickered at her and there was a slight hum. 

And then she just started moving.

She clicked three yellow buttons and pulled a black lever, she ran around to the other side and pulled a few more switches. She pulled the John’s hand up and stuck it in a strange blue panel made of some jello like thing.

She really hated not knowing proper words for things.

God she hoped she knew what she was doing.

Once John’s fingertips met the edge of the jello-y stuff his entire body stopped moving as if he had been frozen. He didn’t even blink.

_ Holy shit, did I kill him _ ?

But just as soon as he froze he made a yelping as if he had been electrocuted. “THah-t’s better!” John stood up suddenly and stretched out his legs. He placed a hand over his heart, and then mirrored the action on the other side of his chest. “Good, two, both in working order.” He pulled on his ear and stroked his chin as if confirming they were there. His flipped around checking his back, for what Sonny didn’t know. Once it seemed John believed everything was in working order he flipped around quickly to Sonny “Right. Yes. Hello.” 

“Hello.”

John’s eyes widened. “Wait. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Oh well you’re welcome for helping you to your, uhh,” Sonny vaguely gestured everywhere.”

“No no no you really shouldn’t be here yet, it’s far too early.”

“I got to admit, I never pegged you as the weird, spaceship type of date.”

“Date?” John scoffed as if offended. “This isn’t a date this is-” but John trailed off, as if unsure what  _ to _ call it.

“I’ve never gone out with a doctor before.” Sonny pondered. And then it clicked.

_ Doctor. _

_ The man from my dreams. _

“Well this had been fun but you really have to go,” John herded her towards the door but she stopped.

“What do you mean I have to go,” Sonny replied taken aback but his sudden dismissal of her. 

“It’s too early you can’t be here.”

“Would you rather me come back tonight,” Sonny drawled. “How risque.” 

“Holy smokes woman, do you really only understand one language.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

John kissed her 

John Smith, the strange, beautiful man from the coffee shop was kissing her and it felt like home. 

Sonny couldn’t help but smile as John raised his hand to cup the back of her head which made her lean into the kiss more. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Like she had all the time in the world. It was more urgent, on John’s part. Like he had never wanted to kiss anyone as much as he wanted to kiss her. As if there was a part of him that was missing and Sonny made him whole. It wasn’t a hookup kiss, Sonny knew that right away. It was the tender caress of a lover who had been gone from their better half for too long. It was as though only circumstances kept them from throwing themselves at each other. 

Sonny didn’t know what any of that meant to her, but at this moment she didn’t care. Her heat was a beating so wildly she couldn’t stand it. It felt like a storybook ending. That the both got to live happily ever after. John’s lips were softer than she imagined (and she imagined them a lot), moving like they already knew hers. Like there was an unspoken history between the two that Sonny just didn’t understand.

Couldn’t even begin to understand.

She was on top of a world that would crumble to dust too soon. 

John Smith pulled away and settled his forehead on hers. Sonny didn’t know what to feel. Everything and nothing at once. “That was... unexpected,” she finally settled on. 

“Good, unexpected’s good. It’ll make this easier.”

“Make what easier?”

“Making sure you forget it.”

“Not for nothing John, but I don’t think I’ll be forgetting that for a long time. ”

John peered at her. as if he was staring at her soul through her eyes. “No, no you wouldn’t but-” He suddenly broke eye contact and violently swung himself towards the console. “But you’re going to have to anyway.”

“Why did you kiss me then, if you just want me to forget it.”

“Well, I missed you.” 

“But why me?”

“It’s bigger on the inside.”

“What?”

“The TARDIS, my TARDIS. It’s bigger on the inside.”

Sonny looked around, “I suppose it is.”

“You’re not shocked.”

“Well, I suppose I just-” Sonny scrunched her nose. “It just seemed-”

“Ah- don’t answer that.” John Smith said, flailing his hands about. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“The bump on your head.”

“Doctor I don’t-” The Doctor’s eyes widened and pulled the lever before she could even finish her sentence. He caught her before she hit the ground, and once he brushed her hair from her forehead, he placed a kiss upon the exposed skin.

“I’m sorry,” he paused. “Sweetie.”

-

Sonata Lake woke up the next morning in her own bed with a massive headache and no memory of the night before.

She vaguely remembered seeing John Smith. Had they met at a pub? She remembered bright lights and the feeling of being absolutely sloshed. That’s where the headache was from probably.

There was a sticky note on it with a little doodle. A smiley face with a dumb little hat on the top. 

God, did she didn’t. . . 

With John? 

She smelt the pillow beside her, no, no she didn’t.  _ Come on inebriated Sonny _ , she thought to herself.  _ Step up your game a little.  _

She decided to call him, he’d given her his phone number for ‘extreme emergencies only.’

Whatever that meant. 

“Be honest,” she said as soon as she heard he had picked up. “How drunk did I get last night? I don’t remember a thing!”

“Eh, quite.” He sounded off, but Sonny paid it no mind. 

“If I said anything weird-“

“No, no absolutely not you were perfect.”

“But?”

“But I’m not going to be able to see you for a few days.”

“Oh God, it must’ve been something terrible,” Sonny joked. There was a long pause before she whispered, “oh you’re serious.”

“I’m sorry, but you’ll understand.”

“When will I see you again?”

“Soon.”


	6. A Date to End in Disaster

That next Tuesday was Sonny’s date with Ramone.

It was true, Ramone was dreadfully handsome . They worked together almost every day, he treated her right and she knew he fancied her. . . 

And you know what? Actually, screw John Smith. She hadn’t heard one peep from him since his cryptic phone call. At least Ramone made an effort and gave a damn about her. 

Ramone picked her up in his car and drove to the loveliest little hole in the wall that served authentic italian food and had a live band and was all good fun. 

Then what was that gnawing feeling in the back of her mind telling her this wasn’t right.

Ramone talked for most of the night, which was nice. If Sonny had been made to talk she would probably accidentally recount some terrible story from prison that definitely wasn’t first date material. 

Beside’s it gave her an excuse to stare at Ramone’s lips. Even if he only seemed to be talking about. . . 

Oh God, she definitely wasn’t listening.

He did everything right too, that was the sad thing. He paid for dinner, opened her car door. Even let her go turn out the back light when they drove by the café and she realised it was still on.

She unlocked the door and wandered through the stacked chairs and tables with what little light spilled from the kitchen. She was about to open the door when she heard voices inside.

“Tell me, how am I supposed to do it.”

“Hey, hey take it easy. There’s a first time for everything.”

Jesus H Christ. . .

“I’m nervous.”

John.

A laugh, “well that’s what you have me for.”

Jenny.

Jenny and John were in the kitchen.

Together.

While she had been distracted by Ramone’s perfectly kissable lips and puppy dog eyes Jenny and John had been having a secret little rendezvous.

He wasn’t hers, by any means.

But she’d rather decompose than let him be Jennys.

She swung open the door, expecting to catch the two in some heinous act unfit for a kitchen setting but instead found John, Jenny and a third figure wearing a black veil.

“River?” Jenny exclaimed, then went bright red. “I, I mean Sonny.”

John immediately strode up to her, “What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same question.” Sonny spitballed, not missing that Jenny too, had called her River. 

“I’m here because Jenny asked me to fix the oven.”

_ Rule 1: The Doctor Lies.  _ Sonny shook her head, “I thought you said you were a Doctor?”

“I’m a Doctor of a lot of things.”

“Well what were you nervous about?”

“You heard that?”

“Answer the question. What were you nervous about?”

John Smith paused and then softly, “seeing you again.” 

Sonny’s breath caught in her throat, “then you’re not seeing Jenny?”

“What a dreadfully complicated thought,” John Smith smiled. “But no, Jenny is well spoken for.” 

Sonny turned to Jenny and the woman in the black veil as though she had momentarily forgotten the suspicious figure. 

Sonny crossed her arms, trying to regain some composure. “So I suppose you’re Vastra?” Sonny asked sarcastically.

“Indeed.” The lady removed her veil to reveal green scales and horns.

Sonny squeaked and promptly collapsed.

-

She may have fainted but she could still hear what was going on around her.

“She’ll be okay, sir.” Jenny said in her prim Cockney accent. Sonny had only heard it once or twice as she tried to keep up the pretense of a Nottingham accent while working at the café. Jenny had once told her it was safer, but Sonny never understood why. “How did you find her so quick anyway. It seemed as soon as the month was up you were ‘ere.” 

Sonny heard a shuffling and the handing over of something, a card most likely. The lizard lady, Vastra tittered, “Paternoster café, you weren’t exactly subtle.”

“Apologies, Ma’am.”

“Unnecessary darling.”

“Sonny?” she heard a voice from the front room call.

Ramone.

“Quick Ma’am your veil.” 

“Sonny?” The voice called again, closer this time.

“In here.” Jenny called, returning to her disguised accent.

“Sonny! Oh my God what happened.”

“She fell,” John supplied.

“What did you do to her?”

“Me?” John asked, with a hurt lilt to his voice. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You have a suspicious face.” Ramone told him. “What are you even doing here?” but Ramone interrupted him before he could even get another word out. “You know what just leave, I’ll drive her home.”

“I can-”

“No! You’ve done enough.”

“Ramone that’s not fair.” Jenny tried but Ramone wouldn’t listen. Sonny felt herself being picked up and could only imagine the looks on Vastra, Jenny and most importantly a wounded John Smith’s faces.

The three followed Ramone to the car and watched him place her in the front seat. Sonny heard Jenny ask John, “one of ours?”

“No,” he replied. “And that’s what worries me.”

“I think he’s in love with her, sir.”

“Well who wouldn’t be.” John said, sounding amused. “But I still dont trust him, there’s something off.” Then John Smith whispered something to Jenny, something that Sonny didn’t think she would forget. It would eventually protect her but for now it only caused her worry and heartache, “love is the easiest lie to tell someone.”

“Sonny won’t be in at work tomorrow,” Ramone told them, having not heard the two gossip. “She needs time to rest.”

Nobody responded.

And Sonny couldn’t open her mouth to tell them she’d rather have gone with John Smith and learnt just exactly what he meant by that.


	7. The Morning After

Sonny usually enjoyed basking in the morning sun but when her eyes finally fluttered open after a strange series of not knowing what was real and what was a dream she only had one thought on the brain.

The Doctor had returned to her dreams.

And she knew him.

She knew him, she knew him, she knew him and once she got her notebook out from under her bed, she didn’t.

Her shoulders noticeably dropped and considered forgetting all about her notebook and dropping it to remain discarded amongst missing socks and lint. Her scribbles in the book were probably enough to be sent to an asylum.

Or back to prison.

She heard the tea kettle boiling and tried to recall the events of the night before. Sonny didn’t usually go around picking up strangers but when she did she usually didn’t expect them to stay around after.

What was real and what was dream?

Ramone, Ramone was real. That was probably who was in the other room putting on the kettle.

The three-headed aliens on Asgard. . .

That probably wasn’t real so she sketched a photo of them in her notebook.

She also drew John Smith, because he had felt like a dream, though she knew he wasn’t. 

_ Love is the easiest lie to tell someone.  _ It haunted her, not only the implications of Ramone using her for some sort of gain.

But what, or who, had taught John Smith that?

It was incredibly presumptuous of her to assume she knew John Smith as good as she did but if someone had taught him that way of thinking then what’s to say he went through life always assuming that anyone who loved him was lying.

Something in Sonny’s heart told her that he didn’t lie about his love. That he couldn’t that he felt more than anyone could possibly understand.

God where was Ramone with that tea.

As if summoned, Ramone opened the door and jolted, “Oh I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

“Is that chamomile.”

“Your favourite.”

“Oh bless,” she took the cup from his hands, blew on it, and took a long refreshing sip.

“How are you feeling?” Ramone asked.

_ Embarrassed _ . She didn’t say. She’d have to apologize to Vastra.

If she ever saw her again.

“Fine,” she said instead. “Sorry, terrible way to spend the evening.”

“It’s fine, I hope you don’t mind I stayed over, I slept on the couch. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Sonny nodded and let her thoughts drift back to the evening, her hands clenched around her tea cup. 

“You’re thinking about  _ him _ again aren’t you?”

“Hmm?”

“John Smith.” Sonny turned to him, had he really learnt to read her so well, or was it just that obvious how infatuated she was with him. “Just tell me Sonny, am I wasting my time?”

Genuinely confused she said, “I dont know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.” Ramone nodded towards her notebook. She had tossed it to the other side of her bed, it had flipped open to the last sketch she had been working on which of course as a study in John Smith’s angular face.

Sonny didn’t want to pat herself on the back too much but he looked like a God. Like a God with sad eyes.

But she shook her head, not necessarily wanting Ramone to dig up her feelings and make her confront them. “Whatever you think is going on between John Smith and I let me tell you-”

He kissed her.

It should’ve been nice. It should’ve been the grocery store, book eisle, romance she had been waiting for.

But it was wrong. God it was so wrong.

SLAP! 

Sonny barely realised it was her hand that had connected with the side of Ramone’s face until she caught her breath again. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, though she didn’t feel sorry. Everything felt like it was happening so fast. She hadn’t even decided what she was going to do about her feelings for John let alone the consequences of being with Ramone. 

But she did feel bad about the slap. 

She reached for his cheek but he grabbed her wrist instead. “This is about John Smith, isn’t it?” he questioned. “What was he even doing there last night?”

“I dont know, let go of my wrist Ramone or I won’t hesitate to slap you again.”

There was a silence, where Ramone slowly released her wrist and River subtly moved away from him.

“I dont believe you,” Ramone said as if he was a wounded animal, as if calculating how best to attack his opponent. “He’s a weirdo and a creep.” Ramone’s eyes widened as if he had decided just the best wound to press. 

“He’ll never love you,”

“Shut up.”

“It’s true.” Ramone crossed his legs. “He’s a bloody wanker.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about

“He probably just wants to get it on with you like all the men in your life.”

It was like she didn’t know where it came from, even though she did. One moment her hand was empty, the next the silver pistol she kept under her pillow was in her hand, pointed at Ramone’s head. “Stop talking.”

Ramone put his hands up and stood suddenly, backing up. “ Woah Sonny, calm down.”

Sonny stood backing him against a wall never lowering her gun. “You insult me, you insult John Smith and then you tell me to calm down?!”

“Sonny! Why do you even have a gun.”

“I said stop talking. I just,” Sonny groaned in frustration. “There’s something missing, there’s something,” she turned to her journal for a moment a rummaged her free hand in her hair. “There something missing.”

“Sonny are you okay.”

“NO! I’m not okay! Just shut up for a minute shut up so I can think!”

“Sonny I think you should put the gun down.”

“No, the gun is the only thing keeping me from strangling you myself.”

“Sonny, I know your upset, but this is all a bit extreme.”

“No, it’s really not.” Sonny looked at her gun, and then suddenly dropped it in horror. “Why isn’t this extreme.”

Tears began to form, but she did her best to not let any spill. She collected herself. Thought long and hard about what to do next.

She knew what to do first.

“Get out,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Get out of my apartment Ramone, before I shoot you.”

He reached for her.

“Don’t touch me, just, leave.” 

He left.

Once she heard the click of the door closing she went into her bathroom. The warmth of the washcloth against her face gave her perspective.

Something was missing.

And she knew how to find it.


	8. Don’t Blink!

> “DON’T BLINK!”

“And hello to you too.”

“Hello! DON’T,” John smith climbed over a table knocking a chair over in the process, ''BLINK”. He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Why did you come here? They’re looking for you!”

“Don’t come to my job? Hah that’s rich.”

“It’s closed today.” John pointed at the door. “See! Closed.”

“And I have a key and the authority to open it. John what are you doing here?”

“Just,” John Smith grunted in frustration. “Okay you see the small little statuette in the corner there?” He pointed. 

Unamused by him ignoring her question she followed his finger. “Ehh, yes actually.” She hadn’t noticed it before but as it turned out there was a small stone angel sculpture in the corner of the room. Sonny didn’t know why, it wasn’t as though Jenny’s family was overtly-religious, and it seemed rather new judging by it’s lack of dust collecting around it like most knick-knacks in the café.

“Don’t take your eyes off of it.”

“What in the name of sanity are you talking about.”

“Don’t look away from it, don’t even blink, I need to.” John pulled something out of a pocket and banged it against the table, because Sonny was, as per request, not taking her eyes off the small little angel.

Not even blinking.

“Come on, come on.” He banged the object on a table again. “It’s not working.” 

“Am I allowed to blink yet?”

“NO! If you blink they can touch you and send you into the past.”

“Alright, alright calm down.” Sonny cringed at the words that had just an hour earlier driven her to pull a gun on one of her best friends.

Or whatever they were now.

“AH hah!” John fixed whatever it was he had been fixing and pointed it at the statue. “So long suckers!!” The device made a ding sound and one moment the angel was there, the next it was gone.

“What was that?” Sonny asked incredulously. 

“Frequency disturber. It was rather small, not even a child. I calibrated a mimic wave of the same energy that sent them into a small crack in the time field on the Byzantium and contained it to one burst from my sonic.” John Smith looked very proud of himself. “Didn’t know if that was going to work actually!”

“But couldn’t they just come back through if they can travel through time.”

His eyes widened. “Sonata Lake I could kiss you!

“Anytime sweetie,” was her automatic cheeky response. But something felt off. “Wait, you called me Sonata.”

“Yes, I suppose I did.”

“That was the first time you called me by my proper name.”

“Well, I’m not slipping up again.”

“Sorry?”

“Deadlocked! That particular crack is,” he lifted his device and it made another dinging sound. “Now deadlocked.” John Smith grinned, then looked Sonny over once. “Darling. You’re shaking.” John’s voice suddenly softened as he swiftly moved closer to her taking her hands. “Are you cold”

Sonny didn’t respond.

“Are you okay?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“What happened? Is your head okay?”

“Are we safe? From the- the”

“Angel? Yes. I’m more concerned about you.”

“I almost shot him.”

“Who.”

“Ramone.”

“Oh.” 

“I didn’t.”

“That’s good.”

“But I wanted to,” she confessed. “I was going to. God, it would’ve been so easy.” She looked up at John Smith with her big hazel eyes. “How could it have been so easy? How could I say that?”

He wrapped his arms around her and whispered something in her ear, in a language she didn’t understand. She saw a glowing light coming from behind the counter.

And for a moment, for a moment. She was River again. She looked up at him more confused than relief. But she curved herself into his body like she had done thousands of times before, a vulnerability that she only allowed to those she trusted.

It meant the world to the Doctor.

“I don’t want to be Sonata Lake anymore, it’s too difficult.” 

John Smith smiled and placed a kiss upon her head. “My remarkable wife. Just a few more days now.” He held her tighter. “Soon you’ll be back to shooting bad guys and doing your,” he flapped a hand about, “archaeology.” 

He heard a soft chuckle from his chest, her hands on his back tightened around the fabric of his blazer. A faint, “yes,” was barely audible.

“Soon, so very soon.” 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

Sonny.

“Nothing.”

She didn’t hold him as River did. River boldly let her feelings be known, especially with the Doctor. Sonny held some of River’s natural flirtations but she was so much more human. Not that River wasn’t human (it was complicated,) but River had an augmented lifespan, and had seen (and done) things that would make the average person squirm. 

“You’re not going to understand this, Sonny. But she was so strong, you can be strong too.”

“Who?” 

“River Song.”

“Your wife?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve got a type,” Sonny joked. “River, Lake soon you’ll have to add a Pond to the list or something.” John Smith only smiled sadly. “What was she like?” she asked.

“Amazing.”

“Sorry to break up this touching moment but I’m afraid you have something of ours.”


	9. The Beginning of the End

John Smith shoved Sonny behind him as a swirling light appeared, blocking the exit, and out walked-

“The Shadow Architect.”

“The Shadow what-” Sonny asked.

“Shh,” John lowered his voice. “Don’t say anything. They’ll twist your words and you, Sonny, have done nothing wrong. Just, just shut up and let me talk.” John turned back to the Shadow Architect. He knew they had sensed the time energy that had leaked out from the fob. He knew it was incredibly selfish to have those few moments with his wife again.

But he also needed to speed things up.

“Well, how long has it been?”

“Doctor you’ve stalled long enough. Hand the lifeform over”

_ Doctor?  _ Sonny thought,  _ Wait I’d heard him be called that before, a few days ago, did I forget?  _

But more importantly, “Uh this lifeform doesn’t want to go with you.”

“Sonny shut up.”

“Ah, she speaks! Does the lifeform plead guilty or not guilty.”

“NO! Sonny don’t say anything.” John whipped around back to Sonny. “Listen to me,”

“I’m waiting.”

“AND I’M BUSY.” John roared with ferocity of an angered God. The Shadow Architect shut up. He turned back. Sonny was dizzy. 

“Listen. Sonny, you have to prove to them you’re not her.”

“Not who?”

“River Song.”

”What? Why do they think,”

”Just listen, don’t talk . Please just listen to me. Why, why were you in jail a month ago?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just think. You told me once that you were in jail a month ago and complaining how Ramone kept getting on your case about it. Now tell me, why were you in jail.”

“Well I committed a crime-“

“What crime, Sonny?

”It was an illegal crime and I got caught.”

“Yes, but what crime. Why did you do it? How did it make you feel?”

She gave him a blank stare, “I… I don’t remember.”

“It’s the Chameleon Arch Database.” John Smith said. “It gives you a backstory, facts, but not enough details.”

“John, what’s a Chameleon Arch Database.” But somehow, somewhere in the corner of her mind, she knew. 

“Your time is up,” said the Shadow Architect. “River Song do you plead guilty or not guilty to your crimes against the galaxy.”

“What’s crimes?” Sonny asked, putting on a brave face. “What did I,” she corrected herself. “What did River Song do?” 

“She transported dragon eggs across a neutral territory, she stole the Cachrihiri sapphire, blowing up an entire platoon of Judoon enforcers in the process.”

“For the record,” John Smith said. “That last one  _ was _ an accident.”

“I’m not finished.” The Shadow Architect continued to list crimes and John Smith watched as Sonny’s face fell and fell. Once the final crime (wearing red heels on the planet Dion 47 which, quite frankly, the Doctor couldn’t see the problem with) had been listed the Shadow Architect gave Sonny a pointed look. “So do you plead guilty, or not guilty.” 

“John,” she said turning slowly to him. “What are they going to do to me?”

“Nothing, River Song committed those crimes and she’s already done her time. These are space enforcers from our past. We accidentally crossed our own time stream so now the Proclamation think’s that my version of River is the one who hasn’t been to jail.”

_ Jail _ . 

“You know what?”

“What.”

“All this talk of time streams and space enforcers. It makes sense.”

“It does? ”

“And who’s River Song?”

“Well I told you she’s my-“

“I don’t mean that. I mean, why do they think I’m her. Intergalactic space police, you think they’d know who they were chasing.” 

“Well,” but a sudden thumping sound alerted them to the Shadow Architect calling more of her soldiers into the café. John Smith took her hand. “Do you trust me?”

“Bo go lo to sho fro go do” a voice from behind the counter said. Sonny turned to see one of the guard-soldier guys picking up a mug.

Her favourite mug.

“Sho lo fro go to mo po lo,” he added.

“Marvelous,” said the Shadow Architect. We’ve got the biodata module now the body.”

“Sonny, answer, do you trust me?”

“Yes! Yes of course I do!” She said without even thinking. He kissed her palm and gave it a squeeze. “I need you to tell them you’re guilty. And I need you to not be scared.”

“What! Why? I thought you said I had to convince them that I wasn’t guilty.”

“Well, rule one, the Doctor lies.”

_ Doctor _ .

“Ho bo lo go konofro jo bo lo to?” The Doctor asked the soldier. Then turned to the Shadow Architect.

She nodded, “You may be granted five minutes. Then we require an answer.” 

“There are too many of them now,” John Smith, the Doctor said quickly once he had turned back to Sonny. “We’re going to have to go to plan B.” The soldier handed the Shadow Architect the mug.

“Which is?” Sonny asked. 

The Doctor took a breath and said, “you’re going to have to die.”


	10. Do You Trust Me?

“WHAT? You’re kidding.” Her eyes watered. “No please tell me you’re kidding.”

“Listen to me, Sonata Lake isn’t real.” Out of the corner of his eye he watched the Shadow Architect toy with the mug, as if trying to figure it out.

“What do you mean I’m not real? I’m standing right here.”

The Doctor sped up his talking, urgently. “Yes but you’re not Sonata Lake. Sonata Lake was a fictitious alias given to you by the TARDIS. The reason that the Shadow Proclamation thinks you’re River Song is because you are River Song.”

“River,” Sonny’s brain felt as if it was glitching. “Song… your wife River Song?”

“Oh, of course that’s what you would focus on.”

“Oh sorry sweetie,” she said sarcastically. “I’ll just focus on the fact that my whole life is a lie!” 

”You’ve known, haven’t you.” The moment you picked up that gun, no I think even before that. You’ve seen the stories in your dreams that’s your life. It’s all real. You’re River Song.”

“Stop saying that.” Sonny whispered. “If I’m River Song then why do I have to die?” Sonny asked softly.

“Sonata Lake is innocent. It’s River Song they want. And I think I know how to get away from them for good but I need you to be okay with it.”

“But what about Jenny? She’s my best friend I can’t just, die!”

“Jenny was placed here to protect you by me. She knows that you’re River-“

“Stop saying that. I’m not her I can’t be.”

“There’s not enough time for denial. As soon as the Shadow Architect smashes that mug you’ll die and River will return. And they’ll take you away for crimes that have already been paid for.”

“So either way I’ll have to die.”

“I’m afraid so.”

“What if they just take the mug? Then I can still live and they’ll have River!”

“River, they won’t stop there,”

“Stop calling me that! I’m not her!” Sonny choked up. “I’m not her. I’m not brave enough.” 

“River Song once destroyed time to go against those who tried to enslave her into doing something she didn’t want to”

“Well that’s all well and good for River Song. But I’m not her.”

“Yes, you are.” The Doctor placed his hand over her heart. “In here. And you know it. And it’s okay to be scared. But the universe needs River Song.”

“And I suppose the universe has no need of a boring human like Sonata Lake.”

“Don’t be silly, of course it does. It needs the bravest of them all and you Sonata are the bravest human I’ve ever met. And as long as I live I will always remember you.”

“She won’t,” Sonny said. “Remember me. I mean. When I’m River Song. She won’t remember this will she?”

The Doctor thought back at his time as Professor John Smith, about the heartache that he faced all those years ago. “She will.” He told her “she will remember every moment. And be grateful for every second.”

Sonny sighed and thought about how easy it was for River Song to have fallen in love with this man. “Well then,” she said. “What’s Plan B?”

-

Sonata Lake stood in front of the Shadow Architect. 

“Well?”

“You caught me. I’m River Song. That mug was a decoy.”

“How do you plead?” The Shadow Architect asked, placing the mug within arms reach on the counter.

Sonny gulped, “guilty.”

There was a sudden and jolting pain. Like a thousand eels electrocuted her as two bands of light wrapped around her body, constructing around her arms and waist so she couldn’t move. And the pain didn’t stop. Her vision went white and she fell to her knees screaming out in pain.

The Doctor had grossley undersold how terrible the pain would be.

-

“It’ll be less than a minute.” He told her. “The bands are nothing for a Time Lord, but it’s hell for humams. They’ll realise you lied about the mug being a decoy but by then I’ll have it and be back in my TARDIS.

“How do you expect to do this all so quickly.”

The Doctor grinned. “I’ll run!” He wrapped something around her wrist. “Now once they realise I’m gone they’ll release the bands. When they do that I need you to press this button.” He pointed at a blinking dark blue one. 

“Okay.”

“It will teleport you back to the TARDIS. No matter the pain you have to trust they’ll realise your human. If you transport to the TARDIS with the bands still on they’ll come off but they’ll be able to track us.”

“Okay.”

“Are you sure about this.”

“Well there isn’t another option is there?”

The Doctor’s look was enough to confirm it. 

“Your five minutes are up.”

-

Sonny tried to count the seconds but lost count after 10. It felt longer than less than a minute. It felt like an eternity. Like all she ever knew was the electric pain that burn her skin.

It felt like days before she heard the Shadow Architect say “something’s wrong.” 

It felt like weeks before she heard someone else say, “The Doctor took the mug.”

It felt like years before the pain finally subsided and the bands constricting her were removed.

She was still in the café. Had it really only been a minute? It felt like an eternity. Her vision was hazy and her vocal chords were scratched. She wanted to sleep. So badly she wanted to close her eyes into a dreamless oblivion. But she couldn’t. 

_ TARDIS, Doctor, blue button _.

She weakly lifted her hand to the gadget on her wrist and the café was gone.


	11. Goodnight, Sweetie

“Sonny!”

As soon as her feet touched solid ground again she fell. She tried to push herself up but her arms were too wobbly, she felt fried. As if she was the epicenter of an explosion that rattled every part of her. 

The Doctor crouched beside her and helped her sit up. 

“God everything hurts.”

“I’m sorry, if there was any other way-“

Sonny waved him off. She didn’t want to focus on words. She wanted to focus on breathing. It was hard. It was too difficult. She couldn’t do it for much longer. 

“I deleted it.” He told her. “I deleted River from the Proclamation’s database.”

“How,” she exhaled. 

“I have a time machine.”

“No I mean. Why didn’t you do that in the first place you stupid man.”

“They prosecuted an innocent to the highest degree for the crime. I was able to use that against them to convince them that you, that River had already paid the price and now, and innocent did too. Took me a month but we should be safe now.”

“A month?”

“Time machine.” 

“Right.”

He took Sonny’s hand and kissed it. The only sound was the slow beeping of the TARDIS’s console.

“Are we in space?” Sonny asked. 

“Yes.”

“Am I dying.” 

“Yes.” 

“But I was good, yeah?”

The Doctor nodded.

“And once River’s back, she’s a time something you said right? She won’t feel this pain.”

“She’ll remember it make no mistake. But no, she won’t feel it.”

The Doctor stood, picking up Sonny bridal style. 

“What are you doing?” Sonny asked.

“The TARDIS floor is cold.” He said nothing else.

He took her to a room. “Whose bed is this?” She asked softly. The Doctor didn’t respond. He only sat beside her and tucked a strand of her wild hair behind her ear. “You were amazing,” he told her.

Her eyes were heavy. Sonny knew once they closed, they would open again as someone else. The Doctor knew this too and found himself tearing up. This was the second time he had to watch his wife die.

He decided he didn’t like it much. 

“You, John Smith, are a madman.” She chuckled, “River Song is a lucky woman.”

“No, Sonata Lake. I’m a lucky man.”

She smiled, “hand me the mug. I want to do it.” He carefully handed it to her. “It’s the same color as the box.” She said softly taking a breath. “Was that intentional?”

“Maybe.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

He took her hand and she squeezed it.

“Goodnight,” she smiled, and took one last breath. “Sweetie.” 

The mug slipped from her fingers and fractured once it hit the floor, and her eyes closed completely. 

“Rest now,” he told her. The Doctor kissed his wife’s forehead. “Sweet dreams.”


	12. A Promise to Keep

“You know you should clean up all that rubbish beside our bed. I almost stepped in it. What’s it from anyway.”

“River!” The Doctor turned to see his wife wearing a comfortable looking hoodie dress with a pocket in the front that her hands rested in. He got very close to her and inspected her, everything from under her arms to the scent of her hair, though she expected that was just a Doctor thing, not an inspection thing. “You’re alright!”

“Course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The Doctor’s face fell. “Don’t you remember.”

“Remember what?”

“No. Oh No, oh.” The Doctor turned to the TARDIS console pressing a few buttons and then a bunch of life support schematics appeared on the screen. “You should remember.” 

River read the nearest diagram. “Sonny?” She asked. 

“A friend.”

“A woman? Should I be jealous.”

“Only you could be jealous of yourself.”

River scrunched her face up, “I’m not following”

“You,” he pointed at her from the other side of the console. “Were human. You were a human called Sonata Lake less than a day ago.” He beckoned her over. “We used the Chameleon Arch, but it’s reading as never being used.”

“The Chameleon Arch as in device you once used to turn human.”

“The very same,” he said slowly. 

Then it hit him. “Oh I’m an idiot! I’m Doctor Idiot!” He jumped nearly to the other side of the console in one leap. 

“When I informed the Shadow Proclamation that they sccused an innocent in the future they must not have even come after us! Meaning,” he inhaled sharply. “She never existed. Oh! Jenny! He tapped a few buttons and then a dial sounded.

A woman with a Cockney accent picked up. “Doctor? Is that you?”

“Jenny Flint! Do you by chance remember a Sonata Lake.”

“No, I don’t believe so, why?”

The Doctor hung up. 

“Well that was rather rude.” River tapped the buttons attempting to call her back but the Doctor pulled a lever and sparks flew from the roof of the TARDIS.

“Sweetie you’re getting frustrated.” She took his hand, making him stop his tapping at the console. “You have to breath.” (Breath. Not calm down, never calm down because not being calm meant you cared. )

“River.” He peered into her eyes for any inkling of Sonny, but she wasn’t there. “River, tell me, is it better to die and be remembered or to never have existed.”

“Is there a correct answer?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Death doesn’t frighten me. So I suppose my answer it’s better to die, knowing you are loved, and being remembered.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that.”

You know me so well.”

“Do you really not remember.”

“No I’m sorry.” 

The Doctor nodded. “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?”

“The bump.”

“Doctor what-“

“I have a promise to keep.” And then the Doctor did something he had only done to a Craig Owens many years before. He banged his head onto hers. 

“Sweetie what the bloody-“ she paused. “Oh.” The memories flooded into her like she had been there herself. She was she supposed but she was seeing herself from the Doctor’s perspective. 

Once she had received all the memories she was silent, pondering them. The Doctor didn’t know how to react. 

“So a fob mug?” She finally asked.

“River if you want to talk about it.”

“I do, just,” she frowned. “Not right now.”

“Okay.”

“There should’ve been a perception filter but somehow it was my favourite.”

“You always were stronger than the average person .”

“And Ramone?”

“Who?”

“The man.”

“Oh, yes.”

“He was quite handsome.”

“Oi!”

“I’m only teasing.” 

“Oh yes, well he probably also forgot about Sonata, ” the Doctor said. It wasn’t from a place of mockery but from genuine upset. 

“Probably,” she whispered.

“River I know-“

“Good ol’ Jenny Flint. That’s why you called her.” It was a statement, a fact more than a question. “To see if she remembered. But she didn’t.”

“It’s our responsibility to remember her now.” He took his wife’s hands and kissed each of her fingertips. “I was incredibly selfish these past few days. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Only if you can forgive me for being so troublesome.” The Doctor was about to protest but she placed her finger on his lips, silencing him. “You saved me.”

“You didn’t need me to save you,” he replied

“Well, true,” she joked playfully. ”But you did so, thank you.” She chuckled, shaking her head so that her curls tickled her neck. “My Doctor.” She placed her hand on his cheek and he not so subtly leaned into her touch. “How could I have forgotten you?”

“Well,” the Doctor said, leaning forward. “You didn’t exactly forget. Your memories were replaced by-“

“Oh, shut up,” she demurred. 

“Make me.”

And she did. 

Her Doctor. Her Love. Her Oncoming Storm. Her madman in a box who did nothing but spew nonsense.

Silenced only by a press of her lips against his, and a promise to live,

_ Happily. _


End file.
